Bento Box Bits of everything

25Sep/131

Happy birthday Mom



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11Feb/120

Hong Kong in 1961

The Hong Kong my parents grew up in

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9Mar/112

Memories of mom

Just a post of random memories of mom. There's not a day that goes by where I don't think about her. Random stuff just triggers memories; not bad ones or good ones, neutral memories I guess. Of course, the more I linger on the thoughts the more sad I feel because I miss her. Everyone who has lost a loved one probably feels the same. Like today for example (and other times, because it's a common subject), I was talking about cars with friends and I mention that for my next car I want a small coupe since I don't drive anyone around. Part of my decision for getting my Audi sedan was that I was planning on driving my parents around when they come to visit or stay for extended periods. Around the time I got the car, my parents stayed in Asia for extended periods, thinking that there would be plenty of time in the future to come stay and be driven around by me.

While in Hong Kong, mom felt sick and was hospitalized and that's when we we all found out that she had liver cancer. I remember feeling anxious and a sinking feeling in my stomach and chest as we waited to hear back on results and prognosis. And then again as I read more of the wiki on liver cancer. Scrolling down to the mortality rate, etc; not wanting to believe what my eyes were reading. I think I kept clinging onto only positive news articles about battling liver cancer and that was what helped me get through that period.

I don't remember much from that year. I would have to look back at my own blog to remember. Random memory of going to see the movie Wanted to try to get my mind off things. The movie was good but not enjoyable because of the anxiety I still felt. I remember getting back to the car and receiving a call from my sister about how the tumor was inoperable. Kicking the dashboard and screaming about how life isn't fair. No comfort was to be found there, just time and burying it inside.

Mom came back from Hong Kong when she was mobile, to pursue treatment here in the US. We kept telling her that she would soon feel well enough to come visit Seattle, but complications and doctor appointments prevented that. In the meantime, my brother and I often visited her in SF.

We went to Nordstrom a lot. Mom loved Nordstrom. We ate at the cafe often. I remember when I was a kid and waiting for my mom in the petite section, playing on my gameboy. I did the same thing when I came to visit, except now I'm on my iPhone (and maybe a year or two before that, my DS). I bought mom that shirt in the photo above in the early months after the diagnosis. She was feeling well that day and I remember her asking if she looked pretty. I said yes and said I wanted to take a picture. That was probably the last time I saw my mom smile on camera. She had good days and bad days but then the bad days started out numbering the good and her smile went with it. Toward the last couple of months she chose a wool hat at Nordstrom which I bought for her. Then later I felt sad when she asked my brother to return it because she wasn't going to wear it. I understood though. She was just looking out for me again, as always.

One last random memory. Yogurt. When she sick, the doctors recommended yogurt to aid digestion. It was often too cold coming out of the fridge so she often just let it rest till room temp. I do the same now sometimes. But yeah, even yogurt reminds me of mom. That's all for now.

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25Sep/100

Happy Birthday Mom

Thinking of you