Bento Box

Funny video from The Onion. It got me thinking. I was using Friendster and Myspace back in 2005 as well. Feels weird that it was 5 whole years ago. I certainly don’t feel like the same person I was 5 years ago. Even looking back at my blog posts from Xanga and my super old blog (can’t even find the url for it, thought it was rehosted on acks-effect for awhile), I don’t recognize the person I was back then. Strangely enough, my tastes and interests haven’t changed much. I feel that I am not the person I will be in the future either. My future 40-year old self is unimaginable to me. Maybe that’s partly why I don’t fear death. My elderly self will differ so much from my current self that I feel like I’m not the one who is going to die. I’m definitely not the same person I was 18 months ago when I found out Mom had cancer. Something definitely changed inside of me as I read those words of 100% mortality on Wikipedia. The past year+ and even now most things feels more dull . Like I can’t reach my previous levels of enjoyment out of activities or happiness. During that year, everything fun I did felt like only a distraction from an impending sadness and emptiness to follow. 3 years ago I was certainly more boisterous around friends, but now I’ve either matured, grown up, dulled, or become affected. Life feels different now that Mom is gone. I used to call her daily when she was sick and still very often when she was healthy. Not having her there to call feels empty. Changing the name from Mom Cell in my phone to Dad Cell felt weird too. I was sad when I lost the voicemails from her since ATT deletes them automatically. In a few years I’ll probably look back at these blog posts and feel like I’m reading the writings of a stranger. Maybe the feelings of longing will be farther removed and I’ll wonder how I felt as I was writing this. I find solace in that I’ll be a completely different (and better) person in a few years. I bet I’ll still agree about the Worst Songs of 2009.