Bento Box

I feel like I’m lacking something. I’ve got plenty of activities and hobbies to keep myself occupied with, but I still feel incomplete. Maybe I’m just in a rut or something. I’ve been doing the same thing for the past couple months now; go to work, then either 1. go to the gym or tennis or 2. CSS/guitar/fux around on computer. Ever since starting that music blog and trying to update it regularly, time really flies. Each entry usually takes around 40-60 minutes because of the playback links and pictures I research, and before I know it, a good portion of my night is gone. That, plus catching up on the SW forum, and it quickly becomes time for bed.

I sometimes ask myself when I’m feeling emo: “Is that it? It that all there is to life? Work, then do X as a leisure activity?” At first it was exciting and fun to get into new hobbies like tennis and biking, and before that, guitar. I told myself that the guitar was to help me get away from playing videogames at home and to express myself creatively; but even now I am finding it harder to find time to practice guitar consistently. Life is going to fly by if all I am doing is working and looking forward to doing X on the weekend. And in between all that, I catch myself being caught up in typical American Consumerism. I’m buying stuff to keep myself occupied.

My most recent purchase was a new camera, and I got it because my current camera was more of a snapshot pocket camera and I wanted something I could have more control over. In short, I wanted to take better photos. I catch myself justifying the purchase in my head “I don’t NEED the camera…but I wanted it…” Consumerism at its finest. Whenever I find myself getting bored, I’ll start looking for things to buy.

What I’m trying to say is…whatever I do, it seems like I am only doing it for “the moment.” Moreover, I am only doing it for myself. Perhaps I’m lacking a spiritual or altruistic aspect in my life, or maybe what Eric always says is true “Dude, you need a girlfriend.” Although I always retort “There’s a difference between being alone and being lonely…I’m not lonely.” Worse yet, I wouldn’t want a gf and unconsciously treat her like one of my many hobbies. I’m too selfish and immature to dedicate myself to someone.

I don’t know how long I can put up with this cycle of buying/taking on new hobbies to keep myself occupied. Is there no end? I guess in the meantime I’ll put more effort into doing the best with what I’ve got.